(Artwork By Kelly Watts Copyright 2012)
Is it really a surprise that DEPRESSION comes with having a Chronic Illness? I think I have been depressed since I was a young child, around nine years old and I have had physical pain since then also.
For me they have gone hand in hand. I asked my Doctor what he thought and he looked at me as if I was bonkers! However, all the research that I have done on this subject indicates that they do go hand in hand.
This is not a "SHOCKER"! moment for me:
It's more of "Well DUH!"
Living with a Chronic Illness makes your life journey much more difficult! Everything becomes centered around your illness and I mean EVERYTHING!
I would much rather say , "Pfft, illness smill-ness!" "It doesn't effect me!"
but I know I would be lying!
Everyday during the week my two teenage sons and my husband head off to either school or work.
I sleep in until I wake up which is usually around 9, I stare at the ceiling and monitor my body to determine what kind of day I am going to have, this usually means me monitoring my head also. I slowly make my way to the bathroom and on the way there I stretch my body and test my mind.
"Where am I hurting today?
Did the medicine work?
Did I sleep last night?
Is my head dizzy?
Can I see things clearly?
How am I feeling overall?"
Then I go downstairs and make my tea, shutting off all extra lights left on from my boys. I fill the kettle with water and I monitor, "does it hurt to lift the kettle?"... "Do I have enough energy to grab the stuff for making tea?"...
Now, "Where am I going to sit where I will hurt the least?"
I sit in the same spot drinking my tea and reading my Bible or book every morning. I take my medicine and vitamins.
Now I have to make myself a veggie juice... and I monitor myself again...
"Is it worth it?" Okay, yes it's worth it... I have to keep this up.
I grab all the veggies out of the fridge and begin separating the amounts I need to wash and add to the juicer.
Getting all this prepared, washing veggies, juicing veggies, even drinking the juice, then washing the juicer ...
I have probably used up most of my energy.
Now I have to make it back upstairs...
All day long I sit, I lay down, I stretch or if I'm lucky I will walk on my treadmill for a few minutes... and I monitor my body and my mind.
I get out of the house once maybe twice per week if I'm lucky.
Does this sound depressing? Well, to be honest with you... it darn well is depressing!
I have my good days and I have my bad days... some of those days are emotional moody days and some of them are bad pain days...
but... then there are those precious few hours where I am OKAY! These hours are what makes it all worth while.
I am blessed.
I would not change a thing,
for I have my God, my Father
and He sends His angels to watch over me!
I pray that you can find that place of contentment, where you can do all you can possibly do to smile for someone, love someone, allow them to smile at you and love you back. Allow yourself to know and feel our God who loves us so very much.